


winter winds

by coffeeandissues



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: I am so sorry, M/M, thats it thats the fic, they meet and they fall in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 03:28:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/875091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandissues/pseuds/coffeeandissues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis blinks once, twice, a third time, then says, "I think I'll file you under the 'Things that should be appreciated more' section, right next to cold pizza in the morning and the colour of my mother's eyes"</p><p>Or the one where Harry is homeless but not really and Louis' heart is big enough.</p><p>ღ˘⌣˘ღ also on tumblr at feminissm ღ˘⌣˘ღ</p>
            </blockquote>





	winter winds

**Author's Note:**

> the song winter winds by mumford and sons inspired this thing right here, so i suggest you go listen to it, it's awesome

 

_as the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts, oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms_

As Harry exits the Psychology Institute and the cold air hits his tall body, his breathing stops for a minute and he has to force his lungs to function properly before he resumes walking towards the bus stop. It's not an easy task. Nothing seems easy these days and something instinctive like breathing that should be done unconciously requires extra strength on his behalf.

His scarf is suffocating him but. The cold pierces his bones without mercy, making his cheeks red and his lips dry.

A woman passes by him and her perfume fills his mind for a bit and he closes his eyes to saviour the feel. The hint of euphoria doesn't last very long but he keeps still.

There is no point in getting to the bus stop because there is no bus that can bring him where he wants to be. So why should he get on one? Then again, buses are warm and he longs for a little bit of warmth to touch his skin, even if it won't reach his heart.

He should get on a bus, any bus 'til he feels warm enough to properly function again. There is a chance though that the state he is in right now, won't melt away with the ice in his hair.

One thing he knows for sure; he should start moving again even if he has no idea where he wants to go.

His legs don't obey him and his mind feels paralyzed by an unknown fear that is starting to make sense. He wishes his scarf would suffocate him for real.

The thing is, he has nowhere to go. Not anymore, at least. He could sleep over at Liam's for tonight but Liam asks too many questions and Harry has no answers.

His gloved hands feel huge and the only thing he can do about it is let them hang uselessly by his sides. Hands have no purpose, he thinks, when you can't love with them. He has no one to love.

It's just that Ben gave a purpose to his hands. Harry could explore his whole body with them, feel the soft hair on his arms and the calming bit of his heart from the vein in his neck. And when they roamed the streets of London, he could take Ben's hand in his and lead him through the places he knows so well.

Now they just hang by his sides, like the hands of a puppet whose owner abandoned it.

No purpose at all.

His breath is stuck somewhere between his lungs and his mouth. Maybe he should give up on breathing all together since it's going so badly for him.

His heartbeat is almost normal now and he feels like walking again. He takes exactly two steps before he freezes again and someone behind him complains loudly and passes by him.

You have nowhere to go, a voice tells him and maybe it's his inner Ben, mocking him. It's true, it's all true, I have nowhere to go, he thinks, feels like collapsing right there. His knees almost give up.

Almost. There is still something inside him that urges him to move, a tiny voice somewhere deep inside his bones that hasn't given up yet. He thinks that, as long as he can hear that voice, he is safe.

He doesn't like the winter, he decides as the wind takes his breath away once again and he puts his hands in his pockets. He can feel his phone in the left one, knows that he could call Ben, convince him to talk but then again, why should he? It was clear this morning; Harry is unwanted and that's it.

He is glad his coat is hugging his body so tightly because fear and pain have shredded his body into a million pieces and the wind is enough to scatter what is left of him. Which is not much, honestly.

His legs are long and heavy as he drags himself towards the bus stop. His heart is too tired as he tries to make himself stop thinking.

The moment he reaches the stop he lets himself close his eyes, concentrates on the voice of his professor and in his mind he replies something he told them on the first seminar.

'You have to remember that pain, like everything else, is something you can easily get addicted to, if you are not careful'

He wasn't careful enough, it seems.

Someone coughs. His eyes open then and he sees a boy a few feet on his right, body small and short.

He could fit into my arms, he thinks, my embrace is the place for him to be.

Maybe.

But then his eyes open and they are blue and honest, making Harry's heart freeze almost and he knows that those eyes can't fit in his arms. They seem endless and as piercing as the cold and Harry thinks no, no, I won't make a mistake again.

'You have to remember that pain, like everything else, is something you can easily get addicted to, if you are not careful'

Then, suddenly like lightning or Ben breaking up with him over the phone, blue eyes meet green ones and all Harry can think of is falling from an airplane without a parachute because they are warm like the sun and he can't handle something so bright and warm, not when he feels so clumsily huge and cold.

A small smile forms on the lips of the stranger and Harry wants to run and hide somewhere. But then the other averts his eyes and he can go back to breathing normally again.

It's not that simple, though.

"hi" the voice is like a feather and it touches his skin only barely. "I am Louis"

For a second or maybe an entire minute all he can think of is 'no'.

But then a fresh wave of cold air hits him like a train, breaks his bones almost and he says, "I am Harry".

Warm, that's what Louis is, an oasis of comfort in the middle of Harry's dessert that, instead if sand, consists of tears and doubt and miles and miles of pure disappointment.

 

_was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night, with every kiss your beauty trumped my doubts_

 

It's like this then; Louis doesn't say anything else, looks straight ahead with a small smile like he knows something Harry doesn't and somehow that's making him even warmer, like he is someone Harry can trust.

"Are you going home then?" he asks like he really wants to know and Harry believes him.

"I don't know"

He expects surprise or maybe another question but Louis has that look in his eyes, the one that says 'I get it' and Harry wants to kiss him.

It's getting darker by the minute, the streets are getting busier and Harry wishes the stars were visible but this is London and so they will remain hidden, revealing themselves only in his imagination.

"Where are you going then?" he risks asking and Louis' smile gets bigger and bigger.

"I was planing on an adventure" he replies and doesn't offer any further explanations. Harry doesn't ask.

Louis is all soft edges and small smiles, cuddly sweater and comfy jeans and he draws Harry to him like a magnet. Buses come and go, people pass them by and sometimes the honk of a car startles them and yet Harry feels completely unaffected by the city.

London is cold and he hates that, he has nowhere to go and he still feels broken but. All he can feel is Louis' body spilling warmth beside him even though they aren't touching and he knows that, if he lets Louis go, the warmth will be gone with him.

"Look" Louis says, waking Harry up from the lethargic state he was in. "There is no point in just sitting here and-" he stops suddenly and looks at Harry, blue eyes focused on green ones, "and doing nothing"

It's not nothing, Harry thinks, it's not nothing when he can feel Louis' warmth beside him and hear the calming sound of his breathing. "You wanna go?"

Louis' eyes lose focus for a moment. "No. That's not what I am saying"

There is a moment of pure terror in Harry's mind, during which his knees give up and his eyes hurt but Louis is there looking at him, blue eyes deep like the ocean focused on him and him only and it's hard to feel scared.

"What then?" he asks, can feel his own edges soften just a bit.

"I say we get on a bus, any bus, and see where it gets us"

As Louis takes his hand and leads him inside, Harry thinks that yeah, he could get used to this, Louis taking his hand and leading him towards unknown places that promise great adventures but there is still a small part of him that wonders why Louis is doing this. He shuts that part down as they take their seats and bus moves towards an unknown direction.

"Are you ready?" Louis asks, eyes bright and endless as he turns his body towards Harry and his back to the window.

"Yeah" he replies because he has never felt more willing in his life.

Louis beams at him and Harry feels like he is too close to the sun.

"So" he says, looks outside the window before looking back at Harry again, " wanna tell me what makes you so sad?"

He takes a deep breath, opens his mouth to answer but nothing comes out. He bites his lip and chews in the inside of his cheek, folds and unfolds his hands on his lap again and again but he absolutely cannot remember what made him feel broken and alone.

"I don't know" he admits quietly, looking down and Louis laughs softly beside him.

"Okay, Curly"

They are silent for a while, quietly watching the city outside and the passengers that come and go and at some point Louis laughs but refuses to explain why.

"It's nothing"

Louis, Harry notices, seems to be calling a lot of things 'nothing' even when they are most definitely something.

-

Something doesn't fit, Harry is sure. Something about this situation, him on a bus with a stranger, going god knows where, him not feeling alone or afraid, something isn't right. Because this person, the Louis with soft lines and warm eyes, this person chose him for this small adventure and that isn't how life usually goes.

Usually Harry stays behind.

Maybe he should ask or maybe he should just go home or Liam's, sleep 'til noon and forget about this because he is clumsily huge and Louis is breathtakingly small and something about this fits so perfectly that it scares him.

"What's your deal anyway?" Harry asks, tries to sound a bit intimidating or distant, but it comes out soft like fresh snow or Louis' hair.

"What do you mean?" his eyes are shining and his mouth is slightly open. "What do you mean?" he asks again when Harry doesn't answer.

"I mean, why are you here?" he explains and Louis nods like he is saying 'i was expecting this'.

"I just felt like doing something silly today" he shrugs but doesn't smile.

"Am I something silly then?"

"Aren't you?" Louis laughs, closes his eyes and rests his head on the window. "You are brilliant though. A brilliant silly thing that can't remember why it's so sad and yet, somehow it is"

There is something in Harry's chest that wakes up at that, like a big and mighty lion that was asleep for too long and now finally, finally it's awake and ready to conquer the world.

Louis doesn't notice the change, or maybe he does but chooses to let Harry celebrate on his own. He is smiling when he opens his eyes.

"The thing I love about buses" he murmurs, closes his eyes again, "is that they are cold when it's hot outside and warm when it's cold. It's like they are rebelling against the atmosphere"

"Or maybe the bus driver controls the air conditioner" Harry adds and Louis sighs.

"Don't be so flat, Curly, be a poet"

"What for?"

"Life is more fun that way" he replies without opening his eyes.

"Is it?"

Louis doesn't reply, opens his eyes instead and looks around. "Do you know where we are?"

Harry shakes his head.

"Excellent"

"Why is that excellent?"

"Because, Harry" he says slowly, like he is explaining physics to a child, "that was the whole point"

The silence lasts for an eternity or maybe just a second. All Harry knows is that, during this silence that could've been a whole month or just a day, he feels dizzy and warm and content. There are butterflies in his stomach that Louis put there or maybe it's the lousy chicken he had for lunch, there is that weird feeling in his chest that could be pride or exhaustion and his knees feel strong for the first time.

"Louis" he says and the boy turns to him, pins his eyes on his and Harry has to remember how to breathe. "Before I saw you, I used to know"

"Used to know what?"

"Why I'm so sad. Then I forgot"

"Well, if you can't remember it, it couldn't have been that important"

No, Harry wants to say, it's because I am in love with you.

"No. It's because I am in love with you"

Louis laughs then, loudly and the whole bus must have heard. "No, you're not"

Harry doesn't reply and the silence lasts longer.

"Can I kiss you though?" he asks after a while and his voice is soft but demanding underneath, like kissing Louis is his fundamental right.

Louis' eyes are radiant and almost blinding but Harry keeps his eyes on them, afraid to look away in case Louis is just a dream.

"Yeah" Louis breathes. "Yeah, you can"

His closer and closer and closer and Harry notices that he has freckles. He is closing his eyes and Harry wishes he would keep them open a bit more and -

"I try to make my life fit into the standards of a romantic comedy" Louis says, opening his eyes and moving away.

"Which means?" Harry asks, breathless.

"Which means" he replies, looks outside the window, "which means that I am going to make us get off in the next stop because I'd rather you kiss me in the snow than in a bus"

"And how do you know that it's going to snow?"

"I read the weather forecast"

Well.

Louis really is something else.

-

Harry is floating between reality and dreams, torn between the boy in front of him and the sun that is hidden and yet he can feel the heat on the back of his neck.

He is floating and Louis is holding his hand because if he let go, Harry might float away.

His body is warm and when they get outside the cold air hits his skin, his breathing stops for a moment and he has to hold Louis tighter.

"What's wrong?" he asks, but he seems far away.

"It's cold"

"I can't feel it"

Louis leads them in a small park which took him ten minutes to find and when they get there, the snow is already falling, soft and gentle and white, making Harry feel like he is in a dream where him and Louis are stars.

Louis looks up and smiles, says "I told you" and then there is silence.

For a while, they just breathe, foreheads touching and eyes closed and then blue eyes open and search for green ones. "Harry"

Blue eyes finally meet green ones and it's like the calm forest meets the wide ocean and they align like the stars above them, they link like their hands and fit like their lips, soft and tender and telling more than words.

It doesn't last long but it means too much, feels just right and like something eternal that shouldn't be forgotten and Harry can see that eternity, that feeling of forever in the blue orbs that are searching his.

"You can, if you want to" Louis says and Harry hums in question. "Be in love with me" he explains. "You can, if you want to"

"Okay" Harry agrees and smiles, covers thin lips with much fuller ones and Louis lets a small breathe escape, like a sigh but smaller, sweeter, just like Louis.

And Harry thinks, I am not cold anymore.

 

_and my head told my heart "let love grow"_

 

They let themselves rest in a small café that smells of warmth and softness, throwing themselves on a small sofa at the far end of the shop and Louis orders warm coffee for them and a muffin for Harry that they end up sharing because well.

"There is a special place in my heart just for muffins. Especially the ones with chocolate" Louis says, between bites and Harry laughs because he has crumbs around his mouth that don't match the serious look in his eyes.

He doesn't point that out.

"I also have a very special place in my heart for hot coffee in the winter" he adds when the waitress places their cups in front of them.

"How many special places do you have, anyway?" Harry wonders out loud and Louis laughs, soft and sweet.

"As many as I need"

"You think there is room for me?"

Louis blinks once, twice, a third time, then says, "I think I'll file you under the 'Things that should be appreciated more' section, right next to cold pizza in the morning and the colour of my mother's eyes"

Louis is a ball of sunshine right now, not as bright as the sun like he was before and Harry finds it easier to look at him now that he is less bright.

"I am honoured"

"You should be" he says, then adds "just don't take up too much space, I need room for other things too"

It sounds like a warning to himself and to Harry, like he is afraid this, this thing right here is out of his control, like he thinks that Harry might like it too much, being in his heart, and take advantage of it.

Harry gets that.

He thinks that someone that is so afraid can't cause any harm, thinks that maybe Louis is soft and warm for a reason, maybe the tenderness in his voice is nothing more than fear and a result of a lifetime full of darkness.

They say that he who brought the light in the world, was dark.

Maybe Louis brings light in his life because he is nothing more than a ball of emptiness.

Harry is in love with him anyway and he lets it fill his body like the warmth of the coffee and the smell of cinnamon.

 

_and my heart told my head "this time no, this time no"_

 

Louis is silent for a long time but the nice kind of silent, the content and calm one. It's the kind of silent that promises a storm and Harry is cold all of a sudden.

"Are you a student?" Harry asks, tries to make the warmth of the previous moment return but the ocean in Louis' eyes is deep and dangerous, like something is lurking just underneath the surface. Something angry with teeth, something big with a small heart.

"I got a PhD in life" he deadpans and takes a sip of his coffee and Harry thinks, okay.

Okay.

This Louis is scary, the Louis he can't read through is making him cold again, makes his bones rattle and his eyes burn.

"Okay" he says out loud and Louis looks at him from the top of his cup as he takes a sip.

"I quit university a year ago"

There is only pain now because the Louis he had found is lost somewhere and he can't seem to find him again. An iron grip takes hold of his heart, paralyzes his muscles and makes his brain all fuzzy and confused, like he is drowning in an ocean that resembles the one in Louis eyes.

'You have to remember that pain, like everything else, is something you can easily get addicted to, if you are not careful'

It feels like there is a rope around his throat, suffocating him, when he thinks that maybe Louis is nothing more than just another Ben, another Ben that has weird mood swings that might occure even in the middle of a sentence, just another Ben that will take hold of his heart, then break it over and over again.

"What's wrong?" Louis murmurs, all soft lines and warmth again but for Harry it feels too late. He is close, too close and too real.

He kisses his forehead softly, like he would kiss a child's, and Harry stiffens, expects another wave of cold to hit his skin.

Louis kisses his lips with care, slowly at first, like he might break (Harry feels like he will any minute now), then faster with more passion and then, at last, like a lover, sloppily and full of lust and blind want.

Harry doesn't resist any of it, just lets Louis do what he wants to do, but all this reminds him too much of the past and the mistakes he did, so in the back of his mind he keeps thinking, 'not again, not again, not again'.

The moment feels heavy on Harry's shoulders and charged with something he can't place. "Wait, wait" he mumbles and Louis keeps kissing him, leaves small pecks on his lips like he is trying to silence him. "I remember now"

Louis pulls back and gives him a questioning look. "What?" he tilts his head in one side and frowns just a bit and all of a sudden, he is spilling warmth again.

"I remember why I am sad"

"You do?"

"I do. It's because of this boy"

Louis perks up at that, his frown gets deeper and his eyes are focused. "Go on"

"I used to go out with this boy for, like, a year and I really thought it was going somewhere until I went to his house this morning and, well. He wasn't alone in bed"

There is a flash of something in Louis' eyes and Harry takes a deep breath before saying, "Isn't love a big mistake?"

There is anger in his eyes now that makes them bright and scary. "Why?" he asks, tone threatening and low.

"I mean, look at what happened to me. And it will probably happen again and again and again"

"Let me get this straight" Louis says, turns his whole body towards Harry and leans in. "Just because an idiot treated you like shit, you give up on love and life in general?"

There's a beat of silence and then Harry erupts with laughter because when Louis puts it like that, well.

It's rather silly.

 

_oh the shame that sent me off from the God that I once loved, was the same that sent me into your arms_

 

The waitress practically throws them out around midnight. They stand outside for a bit, next to each other, their shoulders touching.

"wanna go home?" Louis asks.

"No, not really" he replies and the other chuckles softly, says "okay" and puts both gloved hands on Harry's cheeks, then slowly brings their mouths together.

Louis kisses like he speaks. Softly and confidently, takes his time with it like he is sure Harry isn't going anywhere. One hand is resting against Harry's chest and the other traces circles on his lower back, slowly and with care, and when his hands goes further down and squeezes the flesh there, Harry lets out a small moan and fists Louis' hair, pulls the strands with force and Louis opens his mouth more, letting Harry push his tongue further.

Harry is floating in space and he can't get back down, not while Louis is making him so drunk. He tastes like warmth, coffee and chocolate and they kiss until all Harry can taste is Louis and all he can see is stars.

They break apart, breathing heavily through their mouths and Harry puts his palm on Louis' chest, right where his heart is, and leaves it there.

Louis looks up from the ground and straight into Harry's eyes and he is floating again. "I want you" Louis breathes. "I want you" and Harry kisses him with force because okay, okay, okay. "I want you" Louis repeats against Harry's lips and Harry attaches them to his neck, sucks there 'til he is sure it's going to bruise.

There are no thoughts, there is no doubt, all Harry can think of is louis louis louis and all he can see is louis louis louis . "I think we should find a hotel" Harry murmurs against Louis' neck.

"Mmm" Louis sing-songs and takes his hand in his. "We should"

They walk for a long time, an hour almost but Harry doesn't mind, not when the snow is making Louis look like an angel. They don't talk much but they share glances and small smiles and they never let go of each other.

The receptionist gives them a knowing look when they book a room for two for the night and Louis nudges Harry's shoulder and grins like a maniac before grabbing his hand and leading him inside.

The room is small and clean and dark, lit only by a small lamp on one of the nightstands. The balcony is tiny, has room for only one but it's enough and feels like home.

"It's nice, isn't it" Louis remarks as he examines the wooden wall. "Cozy"

Harry hums in agreement and opens the balkony door slightly and looks outside. London is busy and bright like Louis and all of a sudden Harry feels like a part of something, something important that makes sense.

He closes the door because the cold air makes the room chilly. "I love it actually"

Louis gives him a small smile, teeth showing and wrinkles forming around his eyes. "Me, too"

It's late, too late, it will probably be morning in a few hours and Liam will be worried, he might even call Niall to ask if he knows where Harry is and normally, he would feel bad about it but Louis is giving him a look, that look, and nothing else really matters.

Harry watches his Adam's apple rise and fall as he swallows and he crosses the distance between them in two long strides, takes both of his tiny hands and folds them into his big ones and brings them both up to press his lips against them. Louis' lips are parted, cheeks bright red and he is breathing loudly through his mouth.

"Do you like me?" Harry asks, lips caressing Louis' hands as he speaks.

"Yeah" Louis breathes and parts his lips some more and Harry wets his own, grins.

"I like you too"

Louis puts his hands on Harry's cheeks then as Harry curls his own into Louis' sweater. Louis lets his hands fall then, leans in.

"You look a little bit lost" he drawls, lips at Harry's ear and Harry digs his fingers into his sides.

"I want you" he says weakly. "I want you so much" and Louis kisses him, bites his lip and sucks his tongue, caresses his back with his fingers, lets them travel around, explore.

His heart is pounding and his pressure is rising and Louis is kissing way too slowly, way to carefully.

"Hey" he murmurs when Harry lets out an impatient little sound. "We've got time"

And then they're kissing again, Louis' mouth open and sweet as he steps out of his shoes and Harry does the same.

"Jesus" Louis breathes, clutches at Harry's shoulders and Harry wants to say so many things, but he moans instead.

"Jesus" Louis repeats and sinks his teeth in Harry's neck, and when he looks back up, Harry catches his mouth with his, puts his hands on his back.

Louis breaks the kiss to catch his breath, lets his head rest on the side of Harry's neck and his hands clench in his hair as he breaths open-mouthed and hot.

"Tell me what you like" Harry murmurs, can hear Louis' breath hitch and he continues. "Tell me what to do"

Louis licks his lips, looks straight into green eyes. "I want" he breaths, "I want to fuck your mouth"

He grabs Harry's shoulders and pushes him down and Harry sinks to his knees obediently, hooks two fingers into one of Louis' belt loops, palms the bulge with the other hand and squeezes. Louis pulls on Harry's hair harshly and his eyes roll back when Harry squeezes once more.

All he can think of is how much he wants to see his face screwed up in ecstasy, hear his loud moans and low groans, feel him lose control over his words and actions.

Harry is undoing Louis' trousers and pants and finally, finally Louis' cock is freed and Harry bites his lip violently. Louis is watching him hungrily, blue eyes dark and pupils blown and he looks like a wild animal. His breathe is coming in little pants and Harry feels his own eyes hazy with want and unfocused.

"Pull my hair please" Harry says, his lips only inches apart from the head of Louis' cock, left hand wrapping around the base and he gives one stroke, Louis' whole body shuddering with it.

His eyes lose all focus then and he is rolling his hips before gently nudging his cock Harry's lips and he parts them immediately. Louis shoves in further, bites his lip and holds back a moan.

Harry's mouth is open and wet and relaxed and he takes the whole length of Louis' cock in. Louis' eyes roll back once again and his mouth is wide open, a loud groan escaping it.

"Oh god" he moans. Harry's eyes are barely open, eyelids heavy and mouth wide open and Louis pulls his hair then, making his eyes close completely and a moan escapes that sends vibrations to Louis' cock.

But then, he grips Harry's hair again and he pulls him back, all the way off and he picks him up, carries him to the bed, gently easing him down onto his back and climbing up over him, then leans over him to take hold of the headboard above Harry's head with both hands.

The blue eyes search for the green ones but Harry keeps his closed.

"Harry" Louis murmurs, leaves a small kiss on Harry's forehead, like he did before. "Open your eyes"

It's overwhelming, Louis hovering above him like that, naked and bright and so, so alive. His eyes are hazy and clouded but they stay focused on Harry's as he asks, "You wanna do this?" and they lose their haziness when Harry nods, warmth and fondness fills them and he kisses Harry's lips, mouth closed and eyes open.

"Okay"

Harry's mind is a turmoil of okay okay okay and louis louis louis and he can't breathe properly, not when Louis is grinding his very naked body against Harry's clothed crotch.

"Clothes off" he whispers and before Harry has the chance to move, Louis is strandling his lap and taking his shirt off, then does the same with his trousers and pants 'til they are both naked.

"spread your legs, Curly" he rasps as he hovers over Harry once again, eyes hungry and bright.

The world is spinning and the only thing that stays still is Louis, so he focuses on him as he spreads his legs a bit and Louis lets out an impatient sigh.

He cups each cheek in one hand then, squeezes roughly and with no mercy and Harry lets out a moan, parting his thighs a bit more.

"You might have noticed that we don't lube or a condom" Louis remarks as he squeezes once again but Harry is warm and pliant and willing and absolutely doesn't give a flying fuck.

"Okay" he laughs and Louis grins, sharp teeth showing.

Louis sinks one finger inside him without hesitation, smiles fondly when Harry lets out a small cry. He kisses him, open-mouthed and demanding as he pushes his finger deeper and deeper, smiles into the kiss when he rubs the tip against Harry's prostate. Harry breaks the kiss and breaths heavily against Louis' shoulder. Harry presses against his rim with a second finger. He can feel a second finger pushing in, wants to tell Louis to stop for a minute because it's too much but Louis is already bringing them in and out, faster and faster and Harry forgets what he wanted to say.

Louis moans helplessly when Harry bits his neck, hands stop moving for a bit before he burries a third finger inside and Harry can feel himself clench around them.

Louis spreads his fingers then and the world is once again spinning.

"Louis" he gasps. "Louis. Lou" Louis is smirking, expression smug and Harry loves him. "Fuck me, Louis" he murmurs.

"What did you say?" Louis asks and Harry knows he heard, knows he just wants to hear it again.

"Fuck me, Lou, please" he says, shouts almost. "Fuck—", his voice dissolves when Louis withdraws his fingers and he sinks his teeth into Louis' neck, hoping to leave a moon-shaped bruise there.

Something in his chest goes wild when he notices how badly Louis' hands are shaking.

Louis looks desperate and a bit wrecked like that, between Harry's legs, hair a mess, hands shaking and body sweaty.

When Louis' cock lines up with his hole, Harry goes tense and Louis grabs the headboard with one hand, using the other to guide himself in.

Louis is too big and Harry is too tight, and Harry lets out a loud cry, forgets how to breathe.

"Jesus" Louis murmurs. "Jesus, Curly". He lets go of his cock, slots one hand with Harry's instead and squeezes and it's so sweet and caring that Harry loses control and says, "I am in love with you" once again.

Louis' hand trembles and it's Harry that has to squeeze this time as Louis' other hand lets go of the headboard and clenches the sheets instead.

"Me, too" he pants and closes his eyes. "Me, too, Harry"

Louis is all the way in now, kisses Harry's mouth sloppily, pulls out carefully only to drive hard back in and Harry lets out a loud moan, a sound that makes Louis thrust into him harder, so hard that Harry almost chokes, clenches his hands in the sheets. Louis fucks him deep, growls into Harry's ear but his eyes are kind and his face full of soft lines.

Louis grabs the headboard with both hands once again, keeps thrusting like he is angry and Harry can't help but say his name again and again and again until Louis pulls almost all the way out and thrusts back in with force and Harry cries out so loud the entire hotel must have heard. Louis keeps doing the same thing until Harry's is sobbing and coming, holding onto Louis tightly.

The world is spinning and everything is blurry and Louis laughs against Harry's colarbone when he asks "think they heard that?"

It's Louis turns to come and he looks close, so Harry doesn't move, lets him pound into him as much as he wants. He strokes his hands down Louis' sweaty back and kisses his shoulder lightly as he thrusts faster and faster, deeper each time.

Harry kisses his way down Louis' neck, tweaks his nipple as Louis buries his face in Harry's hair and Harry lets his forehead rest against Louis' strong shoulder, digs his fingernails into his back.

Louis grabs Harry's hands then, pins his wrists down on the pillow above his head and everything is blurry and intense as he is driving into Harry again and again. Harry's head is spinning and he is kissing Louis' neck, wants to touch him but his hands are trapped by Louis' fingers.

Louis winces with the intensity of it and Harry kisses his mouth wetly, presses his tongue inside when Louis moans.

"Please come inside me" he whispers against Louis' ear and that's what does it for him because he is spilling inside Harry and it takes him a whole before he pulls out carefully.

He collapses next to Harry, breathing hard and barely able to open his eyes. Harry climbs over top him, hovers above him like Louis did before, and Louis pulls him down by the chin to kiss him softly.

Okay, Harry thinks, okay.

 

_but if your strife strikes at your sleep, remember spring swaps snow for leaves_

 

They don't sleep at all that night, they lay wide awake next to each other, naked and flushed and tired, Louis' arms around Harry and Harry's head resting on Louis' shoulder.

Harry decides that his favourite place on Louis is the space between his shoulder and his neck, how he can bite into the flesh there, rest his head and leave small kisses, light like feathers.

Louis is not really a boy. He is small and pixie-like and sometimes he looks innocent, like a toddler almost, but there is something wise about him, something about the way he looks at Harry and the way he talks about things.

"I want to visit New York" Louis whispers against his ear. "I want to see the lights"

They talk about themselves and their friends ('When do you reckon I'll meet Niall? He sounds like fun'), Louis talks a lot about his family in Doncaster and his roommate, Zayn, who used to be his first boyfriend's friend and somehow they stuck together even after Louis and that guy broke up.

Harry tells him about Niall, how he keeps shouting he is Irish and that everybody should love him when he is really drunk, tells him about majoring in Psychology and being the youngest in the family.

He doesn't talk about Ben, even forgets about him for a while, doesn't talk about him when his image comes to his mind.

He realizes then that if Ben hadn't decided Harry isn't enough, if Harry wasn't so broken and so alone, he wouldn't have met Louis, so in a way, he should feel glad about Ben, he really should.

The sun is rising, the birds start to sing and Louis is still holding him and doesn't let go, the room is feelied with an orange glow that makes everything seem magical and wonderful, it catches the blonde in Louis' hair and the yellow in his blue orbs, brings them out.

Outside it's not that cold anymore, the snow has melted and the clouds have almost completely vanished.

Louis is sleepy and lazy but his eyes are steady when he says, "Screw what I was saying earlier. You can take up as much space as you want"

"Are you sure?" Harry asks and Louis nods, huge smile on his face.

"Sure"

Louis is bright, bright like the sun outside that makes Harry feel warm inside and out for the first time. He thinks that, if there is such a thing as happiness, then this right here, this boy in his arms in a hotel room as the sun rises -

-this is it.

Thank God for Ben, really.

 

_and you'll be happy and wholesome again, when the city clears and the sun ascends_

**Author's Note:**

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